Today started badly with car trouble, and sharply went downhill when signing in to B.T. Yahoo — our browser here at the Daily Moaner. We quickly discovered that our Bookmarks — hundreds of them — had vanished. When we clicked on the Bookmarks tab, there was nothing. Nada. Zilch. Bugger-all.
Worse than that, the short-cut files, which had previously been stored on our hard disc under Documents and Settings, have also disappeared.
Yahoo Executives
After a whole day of trying one thing after another, and suffering two near heart attacks, it now appears that — in their infinite wisdom and goodness of heart — Yahoo had decided we mortal users wanted — no, needed a change. We now have to go to a special Yahoo bookmarks page, which offers us all sorts of goodies that we never asked for.
So all the URL’s we thought, in our innocence, were saved to our hard disc, are now safely saved to Yahoo’s hard disc. All the sites we had saved concerning different ways to blow up the planet are now floating in Yahoo’s portion of the interwebs! Does privacy mean nothing? Our collective rage can hardly be contained. How dare they steal files from our computer!
What the fuckety fuck do Yahoo think they’re doing? And where was the advance warning? Where is the apology? Where is the explanation? We are not the only people affected by this sudden change today — Yahoo answers have already been questioned. (Don’t hold your breath waiting for a reply).
The staff of the Daily Moaner – each of whom is a fully qualified warlock — hereby CURSE those that be at Yahoo. We CURSE their dandruffy hair, we CURSE their nerdy-shaped faces with boils, and we CURSE their pointy heads with the misshapen brains. We DECREE that henceforth their breath shall smell like a dozen rotting dogs and DECLARE that they shall strangle and choke on their own nose-hair. We CURSE their stomachs to continually rumble and their arses to fart, so that they are unable to sleep for the noise. We CURSE all their children with being called Nigel.
MAY their girl-friends turn out to be the undead and quickly convert them into zombies. MAY their testacles become hexagonal and fester at every corner. MAY they develop bunions and in-growing toenails on both feet.
And we DECREE that their scrawny, pathetic little bodies shall become magnetic, and thereby wipe the contents of every hard disc they come into contact with.
We can hardly wait to recover our bookmarks one-by-one, and swap to some other browser.
Give us back our Bookmarks!