The Daily Moaner

November 30, 2009

Temporary Fault Now Corrected

Filed under: Uncategorized — lenko @ 10:13 am

The Daily Moaner is back on-line, after many hours of shouting and cursing at British Telecom. After much testing on the phone with an extremely helpful guy in Calcutta, it seems our router, or little black box as we techno people call it, had died and gone to the little-black-box-Heaven-in-the-sky.

We now have a new one (though five days after the promised delivery date!), and are glad to resume our normal service of vicious invective with added silliness.

At least the pause has enabled your editor to do some Christmas shopping.

November 27, 2009

Change of Mood

Filed under: Just Plain Silly — Tags: — lenko @ 11:17 pm

It’s been an angry sort of week, what with one thing and another. So we thought we’d bring a smile to your pathetic, miserable lives.

Don’t forget to join in now!

November 26, 2009

More Catholic Trouble

Filed under: Crime,Men of God,Religion,Sex — Tags: , — lenko @ 10:03 pm
Crying

Crying

It hasn’t been the best of weeks for the Catholic bishops, on either side of the pond. First, Thomas Tobin, a jumped-up man-in-a-frock tried to blackmail Congressman Patrick Kennedy, by threatening to withdraw the taking of Holy Communion. Mr Tobin is now doing the rounds of the cable TV shows, trying to rationalise his point of view.

Now there comes the release of the long-awaited report into the Irish Catholic child-abuse scandal, reporting on over thirty years worth of crimes against children by those who should have been most supportive of them. Plus the continuing cover-up by their so-called Archbishops, who have their own agenda which does not include the welfare of the child.

And this report follows the one in May, detailing decades of abuse in Irish schools, orphanages and workhouses, run by many orders of nuns, priests and brothers.

Gloating

Gloating

The Daily Moaner, for once, finds absolutely  no humour in this subject.
It seems there is a human equivalent of Gresham’s Law, which states that bad money drives out good. Good people, likewise, can be driven from an organisation, until all you have left are the bad. Especially organisations which are limited to one sex only. One un-natural set of circumstances leads to another.

And the cover-up is always a mistake, for it begs the question: what does the person covering-up have himself to cover up? And even if there is nothing, after covering-up once, he is now vulnerable himself to blackmail, for having covered up the first time. And he must now cover up a second time. And so it goes… and so it goes…

The “mistakes” at Dublin were systemic, and widespread. They obviously did not  begin at the earliest point covered by the investigation. They are also obviously not  limited to the area covered.  You can read Reuter’s run-down on various Catholic sex-scandals within the last few years, by clicking here.

Abuse has become ingrained in the very fabric of the Catholic Church, protected and sustained at the highest of levels. It seems to the Daily Moaner that all churches which practice “celibacy” stand in danger of corrupting themselves.

November 25, 2009

Life in the Cells

Filed under: Science — Tags: — lenko @ 9:20 am

You know, m’dear, you have the most incredible body! No really . Would we lie to you? We think you’re so-o-o… complex.  You really don’t know the half of it.  Look at what has to happen before you can stop bleeding.

And if you want the rest of the story…

November 23, 2009

There May Be Trouble Ahead

Filed under: Obama — Tags: — lenko @ 7:13 pm

Discouraging news for our American cousins in today’s New York Times, the paper of record read by almost all of you. Since the advent of  wee Georgie Bush, what with all his fun escapades in Afghanistan and then Iraq, the debt levels of the country have been zooming through the rooftiles, even as the country’s average IQ level plummetted into the basement.

What Me Worry

What Me Worry

See, problem was, Georgie didn’t know these things cost dollars.  Or that there was a shortage.  And anyway, the total debt was just a figure on a piece of paper. So the Mighty Mental Midget borrowed a bit here and another bit there… you get the picture.

Turns out they were staring at a whole mountain of debt overload, the result of decades of living beyond their means, because why not?  They ruled the world, see, and if you weren’t with ‘em, you were agin ‘em.   Yee-ha!

Course, when the new guy opened up the books, well Holy Hell… seems the US owes the rest of the world twelve trillion and counting. In the next ten years another $9 trillion gets added, mostly just to pay the interest on the $12 trillion.  Anyone sense a pattern here?  And in a while, the annual interest will account for about a third of the total federal income tax. And that can’t be good.  And of course, we’re only talking cash balances debt here, and ignoring the real picture.  But see our Oct 5th article here.

Oh, and in a year or so the first of the baby-boomers starts to draw pension, and you can already hear Medicare and Social Security creaking from this side of the pond.

Our guess is that under Obama’s calm exterior, he’s got to be waking up nights with the sweats, wondering where the hell it’s all going to end. The Daily Moaner wishes the U.S. of A. the best of British. Because if the Yanks go down the pan… Britain will be close behind.

November 22, 2009

Sunday Sermon – November 22 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , — lenko @ 11:27 pm

Your editor has a few friends who are Catholic. We don’t often discuss our views, preferring to think that the other is misguided, and that friendship is more important.

Kennedy in a Jacket

Kennedy in a Jacket

But Oh Dear God Almighty! My outrageometer is off the dial and in danger of exploding. US Representative Patrick J. Kennedy — you’ve heard of the Kennedys, right? — has been forbidden the right to receive the Sacrament of Holy Communion. The Daily Moaner isn’t quite sure what that means, but has a hazy notion that it implies burning in a fiery Hell forever and then a bit more.

Tobin in Pink Frock

Tobin in Pink Frock

Who has decided to do this? Why none other than Providence Bishop Thomas J. Tobin. (Read: man in a frock). Why has this clerical transvestite idiot done this? Because of Kennedy’s political views and work, admittedly in the area of being pro-choice. For people who have just returned to the planet after a lengthy break, this means letting women make their own decisions about babies, contraception, abortion, etc. And the Catholic church has never been that keen on people making their own decisions. 

So it’s “Do as we say, Kennedy, or we’ll tell God to see you fry!”  Is there any difference between the top ranks of the Church and the Mafia?

This will be the very same Catholic church that suddenly decided, in roughly 300 AD, to begin worshipping Jesus’s mother. The same Catholic church that spreads the gospels of Jesus, the earliest of which was written 40 years after his death, by a man who had never met him. The same Catholic church which invented the Devil and the fiery lakes of Hell, to scare two thousand years worth of peasants into keeping the clergy in idleness and luxury.

Words obviously don’t fail me. Go here, if you want to know more.  Don’t be scared… it won’t hurt.

Men will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest. Denis Diderot. C1840

November 20, 2009

Pray for Obama — NOT!

Filed under: Men of God,Obama,Religion — Tags: — lenko @ 9:07 am
Psalm 109 Tee-Shirt

Psalm 109 Tee-Shirt

Republicans (read: religious bigots and phonies) have begun to pray for the President. And there are some cute Tee-shirts they’re producing. Aaaah… isn’t that nice?

Actually not so much. For their prayer is taken from Psalms 109:8, which you will immediately remember reads “Let his days be few; may another take his office”. And you won’t need us to remind you that the Psalm goes on to implore: “Let his children be fatherless, and his wife a widow”

So… not really a prayer for the President’s well-being. More a curse, really.

Nice people, these Republicans…

November 17, 2009

Oh! How the Mighty Are Fallen

Filed under: Health,Videos — Tags: , — lenko @ 5:58 pm

Your editor has the flu. It is now the third day.

Nobody seems to know whether it is the dreaded swine flu, or merely the common-or-garden variety. Whole teams of Harley Street specialists have pronounced themselves mystified. Various shamans and ju-ju doctors have cast the bones, danced their dances.

Every last one of these quacks has given the same advice — stay at home and take aspirin/paracetamol/whiskey or other magic ingredient. (Delete as appropriate).

Normally, your editor’s keen incisive intelligence runs at super-speed plus, slashing its way through the most labyrinthian of problems. Now it is reduced to the status of cotton wool, with only one thought per hour making its way through. It is too much, too much… even for a superhero.

And that is why there is no post for today. Pass me the tissues please…

Happy Hanukka!

Filed under: Religion — Tags: — lenko @ 10:22 am

Well, not yet actually. Hanukka begins Friday December 11th. But you can be ready for it.

Electronic Menorah

Electronic Menorah

 The Daily Moaner is a non-denominational, non-sectarian and disbelieving set of bastards, but each to their own. And as a service to our Jewish readers, we present the all-singing, all-dancing electronic menorah. (Set of candles, to our other readers.) This comes from a web-site called EvilMadScience.com, who have this to say about it:

Our Deluxe LED Menorah kit is an updated take on the traditional hanukkiyah, the nine-armed Hanukkah candelabrum. Two candles are lit on the first night of Hanukkah (one “real” candle plus the lighter candle, or shamash), three on the second night, right up to nine on the eighth night. (That’s (2+9)*(8/2)=44 candles all together, for those of you keeping score.)

Ours works pretty much the same way, but uses less wax. When you turn it on, it displays the correct configuration of LED “candles” for a given night of Hanukkah. Each time that you press the button (or switch it off and back on), it displays one more light than it did the previous time that you turned it on (unless it showed all nine last time, in which case it goes back to two). The LEDs are lit up in the traditional sequence, with a gentle fade.

It can be yours for between $14 and $17, depending on configuration. We believe that for people who like this sort of thing, this is exactly the sort of thing they will like.

November 15, 2009

Sunday Sermon – Lewis Black

Filed under: Religion,Sunday Sermon,Videos — Tags: , — lenko @ 12:03 pm

Was… the Earth created… in seven days?    No.  And here’s why…

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