Unbelievable — she’d only given him one lesson lasting five minutes. But that’s what can be achieved with a really good teacher. Of course it does help if you’re Fred Astaire and the teacher is Ginger Rogers…
March 9, 2010
March 8, 2010
March 7, 2010
Eat Dirt, Farage!
You might recall that Nigel Farage, leader of something called UKIP, recently shot off his mouth in the EU Parliament to the effect that Belgium was “a non-country”. And that’s a lot of mouth to shoot off, though it does work on automatic.
Now — courtesy of the Daily Moaner’s Spanish correspondent (a slightly unhinged lady called Janet something) — comes a refutation of that slander. This was shot in Antwerp railway station, which has changed just a bit since your editor was last there, and those people are real live Belgians. Non-country? We don’t think so. See this finger we’re holding up, Farage? Sit on it and swivel .
You will either love this and laugh (and maybe cry too), or you will sniff disdainfully, in which case you are probably a member of UKIP.
February 18, 2010
Pussies Galore
Regular readers will know that the Daily Moaner is not a fan of cutesy little kittens who can’t spell on the internet, as we said here. Although we did show readers how to wrap a cat for Christmas, but that was just so it could be posted abroad somewhere — anywhere — with no return address.
But now there is good news for all internet cat-haters — an Italian TV chef has recommended eating these over-cute fuzzy fur-balls. Hooray for Beppe Bigazzi, who is 77 and too old to give a damn what people think. Beppe told viewers that cat was “Better than chicken, rabbit or pigeon “, and that cat casserole was a favourite dish in his home region. Mmmmm — yummy!
The whole of Italy immediately exploded in incandescent rage, with people waving their hands about as they talked, arguing whether the cats should be soaked in spring-water for three days, as Beppe advocated, and how much garlic was needed to ward off the evil spirits.
Meanwhile, for those of you who can never quite get enough pussy… Back in 1931, Harry Roy and his Bat Club Boys were recording a cheerful little ditty called “My Girl’s Pussy”, which you can hear by visiting the Internet Archive here, and clicking on “Stream”.
To the right, a picture of the girl in question, plus the pussy in question.
Any questions?
February 9, 2010
Just Sit and Be Peaceful…
Your editor is not only an abysmal blues guitar player… he can be equally awful in all other guitar styles. It takes talent to be that bad.
And even more talent to play with this degree of touch and sensitivity.
February 1, 2010
How to… Play the Piano
They laughed when I sat down at the piano…
And they were right. Your hapless editor is not only without hap, but possesses no discernable musical talent. Already he holds the record for being the world’s crappest rock and blues guitarist. And his adventures on the keyboard have made ears bleed all over the world.
But help is at hand. Now crap musicians everywhere can experience the Virtual Piano by clicking here. You can play in any key, with either single notes or chords. And pretty soon, you will move strong men to tears.
Just one note of criticism — the pedals don’t seem to do anything, and are unmarked. We assume it’s the normal configuration — Accelerator, Brake and Clutch.
January 18, 2010
One Minute Roller Coaster
Found on You Tube — an advert for the Zurich Chamber Orchestra :
Got your seat belts on, ladies and gentlemen? Instruments ready? Violin section? Brass? Percussion? Here we go… hang on to your hats!
December 31, 2009
Status QuooooooooooOBE !
At long last the British Honours system has come up with a few people who have actually done something useful. No fat-cat bankers this year, or political hacks like Andrew Adonis (see below).
Instead, an MBE for Jensen Button, for driving very, very fast in a year when the Government are trying to cut speed on our roads. And an OBE for Ross Brawn, the presiding genius who made Jensen’s win possible.
Sejanus
Slap-head actor Patrick Stewart gets a Sir. He is fondly remembered as the brutal Sejanus, in “I Claudius “, all those years ago. After that, he was promoted for a while to star-ship captain, but then ended up eternally waiting at the side of the road for someone called Godot. It’s ironic that he should be honoured only after appearing in X-men films.
Doing what they do best, Rick and Francis
Best news of all is the OBE dished out to Francis Rossi and Rick Parfitt, front men of Status Quo. In almost 48 years on the road, the band have clocked up world-wide sales of 118 million records, and spent 415 weeks in the British singles charts.
A helluva long way to go on just three chords…