European Madness « The Daily Moaner

March 4, 2010

We Give You Cash, You Give Us Corfu

Filed under: European Madness — Tags: Politics — lenko @ 9:35 pm

In a bizarre twist to the recent Greek… shall we say fiscal embarrassment?… the German daily “Bild ” has made the above suggestion, after MP Frank Schlaffler had said Greece should sell stakes in its companies and other assets.

This will not go down at all well on the Mediterranian. During the early forties, a group of uniformed German tourists made themselves at home there, despite not having been invited, to the resentment of the Greek people. And even today, early-rising Germans are renowned for invading beaches, armed only with towels.

The Daily Moaner has no particular comment to make, as its editor has happy memories of living for a few years in Germany, and also regularly spends time abroad on a variety of Greek islands.

Needs Slight Renovation

But if this does start to happen, he would like to bid a hundred quid for the island of Rhodes, where he has a Summer Palace. Well, a little villa. True, it’s in need of a lick of paint and some slight renovation. But it’s a home from home. We believe Mr Papandreou should think about it.

Okay — a hundred and fifty. Final offer.

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February 27, 2010

Wanker of the Year

Filed under: European Madness,Famous Wankers — Tags: Politics — lenko @ 3:47 pm

This afternoon your editor was checking the Wikipedia entry on Nigel Farage, and was surprised to read the following:

Nigel Paul Farage (born 3 April 1964) is a British politician, and former leader of the United Kingdom Independence Party (UKIP). He is also a member of the European Parliament for the South East. He co-chairs the European Parliament’s Europe of Freedom and Democracy group. He is also a wanker. (Bold type ours)

Such accuracy from Wikipedia is only to be praised, though within minutes the offending sentence was gone.

Farage, Mouth Akimbo

Though it is only February, the Daily Moaner feels confident enough to nominate UKIP’s leader as our Wanker of the Year. Particularly after Farage had stood up in the European Parliament, mouth akimbo as usual, and showered gratuitous insults over the mild-mannered Herman van Rompuy. first President of the European Council. Mr Farage would do well to remember that Clark Kent aka Superman was also self-effacing and mild-mannered.

He might also remember that van Rompuy was elected by the Anyone-But-Tony faction.

It was the needlessness of his attack which surprised, using the type of comments that the man in the pub might utter. There was no need to declare that “no-one knows who you are.” There was no need to taunt Mr Rompuy as looking “like a low grade bank clerk”. There was no need to insult Belgium as a “non-country”. All this was just to grab a few headlines. Or possibly it was Farage’s time of the month.

UKIP Meeting

Mr Farage himself has the shifty look of a slightly bent stockbroker, and his mouth works with the up-and-down motion of a second-hand ventriloquists doll. Whose hand is up his backside working him is not known. He has all the loud-mouthed arrogance of a bully. But we wouldn’t dream of saying so…

You might very well think that he is the yob with the gob. We couldn’t possibly comment.

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November 12, 2009

Rumours

Filed under: British Politics,European Madness,Famous Wankers,Zombies — Tags: Politics — lenko @ 1:50 pm

What do Blair, Brown, Miliband Snr and Mandelson all have in common? That’s right… all are scheming, slippery, lying bastards. But you knew that already, didn’t you?

Blair Zombie

Tony (who surely must be some sort of American paid zombie) is insisting that he does not want to be Europe’s first President. Milihair is equally adamant that he does not want the job of European Foreign Minister. Mandelson is scoffing in public at the very idea that he could be British Prime Minister with just a little tweak in the legislation. And Gordo is doing what he is told, and rooting for Tony for Prez.

So obviously, all these rumours must be true.

Foisted

The Daily Moaner fears we are about to have Bliar foisted upon us once again, with little Davie Miliband as his loyal sidekick. Gordo could be “persuaded” to step down before the next election, leaving Mandy well placed to step in as “caretaker” Prime Minister. The Blairite coup-d’etat would be a fait-accompli .

King and Queen

Our European friends are dumbstruck at the prospect of the ghastly Cherie queening it over the continent, and the even ghastlier Tony lining his already-bulging pockets at our expense.

But hey — he’s a pretty straight guy, y’know. You can trust him. Honest. Although readers equipped with memories may remember that for years he swore blind he was a Protestant Socialist who cared about the poor, while all the time being a secret Catholic Conservative sucking up to the rich.

The Zombie and the Curse

Mandy Meets Custard

Mandelson, the other zombie to have arisen recently from the realm of the undead, now seems to be point-man for just about everything, one moment dipping his expensively-manicured fingers into the postal strike schemozzle, the next pontificating on file-sharing and its evils.

Gordo is backing him all the way, and has said so right out loud for all to hear. Which may be bad news for Mandy… for the curse of Gordon is now upon him, and seems to be infallible.

Keep an eye out for one of Murdoch’s rags to leak some sort of scandal about the Prince of Darkness — almost as soon as the election is announced.

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November 6, 2009

Commercial Flies

Filed under: European Madness,Just Plain Silly — Tags: Plain Silly — lenko @ 8:53 pm

The Daily Moaner can hardly believe this one itself, but we are assured it’s true, and maybe the coming thing. German ad-agency Jung von Matt is now attaching mini banner-adverts… to flies . They’re calling this flyvertising , by the way.

Fly with Banner Advert

In spite of these little bastards being one of the most irritating things in the human experience, the agency has taken to glueing the banners to the fly’s under-carriage. Sadly, the flies have problems staying in the air, and keep landing on people. On the other hand, having the flies towing the banners makes them twice as much fun to squish.

There’s lots more on this here, including a video. Next summer’s going to be lots of fun.

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October 21, 2009

Dazed and Confused

Filed under: European Madness — Tags: Europe, Politics — lenko @ 9:57 pm

Your editor is a smoker. It is true that he hasn’t actually had a cigarette for over four years, but nevertheless, he stands as one with the smokers. (Outside the door, that is, in all weathers.) Normally his keen razor-like intelligence easily penetrates the most difficult of conundrums. But today, he is confused.

Light Up A Camel

The European Commission — have you heard of it? — has just put up 72 million Euro-thingies for 12 one-and-a-half minute animations (which they amusingly call “Helpisodes”) to encourage young people to not smoke. The cartoons feature a band of anti-smoking super-heroes.

OK… 72 million… got it.

But – at the same time – with the other hand – this same Commission is spending 293 million Euro-wotsits on promoting tobacco production. To please the farmers, or something, who would get grumpy otherwise, because they’re farmers.

But — at the same time — with their third hand – the Commission are introducing new tough regulations (everything’s “tough” these days) on cigarette advertising.

Meanwhile — with a fourth hand — the very self-same Commission is now calling for an EU-wide ban on lighting up in public places, by 2012.

Can someone explain all this to your befuddled editor, in a way that makes sense, before they bring in the roaming death-squads of cigarette police?

NOTE: No actual camels were harmed in the making of this article. (Ed)

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