The Daily Moaner

March 30, 2010

There Are People Who Think Like This

Filed under: America,Men of God,Obama,Satire — Tags: , — lenko @ 1:27 pm

Okay, it’s satire… we think.   Isn’t it?    PLEASE  let it be satire.

This is Edward Current. We can’t be bothered to make jokes about his name. He has regular and lengthy consultations with the Creator of our Universe, who in his infinite Wisdom has sent us Barack Hussein Obama as a Test.

Mr Current believes America is being bur-gu-lar-ised (which is not a word), and appeals to real Americans to take their country back from wherever it’s been.  (This, as opposed to the imitation Americans who have been stalking the streets recently.)  Especially now that racism is over.

He ends with an almost authentic creepy gaze to camera, just like a real  white racist bigoted right-wing American.  Genius!

PS:  Should you find yourself nodding sagely at his words, and find yourself agreeing with every sentiment, please leave quietly without commotion, and never darken this blog again.

November 23, 2009

There May Be Trouble Ahead

Filed under: Obama — Tags: — lenko @ 7:13 pm

Discouraging news for our American cousins in today’s New York Times, the paper of record read by almost all of you. Since the advent of  wee Georgie Bush, what with all his fun escapades in Afghanistan and then Iraq, the debt levels of the country have been zooming through the rooftiles, even as the country’s average IQ level plummetted into the basement.

What Me Worry

What Me Worry

See, problem was, Georgie didn’t know these things cost dollars.  Or that there was a shortage.  And anyway, the total debt was just a figure on a piece of paper. So the Mighty Mental Midget borrowed a bit here and another bit there… you get the picture.

Turns out they were staring at a whole mountain of debt overload, the result of decades of living beyond their means, because why not?  They ruled the world, see, and if you weren’t with ‘em, you were agin ‘em.   Yee-ha!

Course, when the new guy opened up the books, well Holy Hell… seems the US owes the rest of the world twelve trillion and counting. In the next ten years another $9 trillion gets added, mostly just to pay the interest on the $12 trillion.  Anyone sense a pattern here?  And in a while, the annual interest will account for about a third of the total federal income tax. And that can’t be good.  And of course, we’re only talking cash balances debt here, and ignoring the real picture.  But see our Oct 5th article here.

Oh, and in a year or so the first of the baby-boomers starts to draw pension, and you can already hear Medicare and Social Security creaking from this side of the pond.

Our guess is that under Obama’s calm exterior, he’s got to be waking up nights with the sweats, wondering where the hell it’s all going to end. The Daily Moaner wishes the U.S. of A. the best of British. Because if the Yanks go down the pan… Britain will be close behind.

November 20, 2009

Pray for Obama — NOT!

Filed under: Men of God,Obama,Religion — Tags: — lenko @ 9:07 am
Psalm 109 Tee-Shirt

Psalm 109 Tee-Shirt

Republicans (read: religious bigots and phonies) have begun to pray for the President. And there are some cute Tee-shirts they’re producing. Aaaah… isn’t that nice?

Actually not so much. For their prayer is taken from Psalms 109:8, which you will immediately remember reads “Let his days be few; may another take his office”. And you won’t need us to remind you that the Psalm goes on to implore: “Let his children be fatherless, and his wife a widow”

So… not really a prayer for the President’s well-being. More a curse, really.

Nice people, these Republicans…

October 10, 2009

News from the Ant’s-Nest

Filed under: Famous Wankers,Obama — Tags: — lenko @ 11:06 am

Yesterday’s news of Obama’s Nobel prize has proved to be a stick to stir up the ant’s-nest that is American politics.  Especially inflaming was the news that Obama was nominated when he had been in office for only nine days. Obviously the Nobel committee was so relieved to see Bush depart for wherever departing Bushes depart to.  Who cares?

Republican politicians and radio talk-show hosts, always an over-excitable lot, were lightning fast to shoot the award down in flames.

Rush Limbaugh

Rush Limbaugh

Rush Limbaugh (a quivering mound of flesh, for those that don’t know) gibbered wildly, and almost swallowed the fourteen-inch cigar which he uses to compensate for his two-inch penis.)

John Bolton, an unhinged paranoid with the personality and outward aspect of a walrus, wanted to know why Ronnie Reagan hadn’t got the award. (Because he got Alzheimer’s instead, John, that’s why.)

John Bolton

John Bolton

And within the rank-and-file of the corruption Republican party, there was much serious discussion whether the award was proof positive that Obama is actually the anti-Christ. At least one right-winger demanded that Americans “rise up” and take back the country.

Democrats have been equally quick off the mark to shoot down the Republicans, accusing them of  “un-American” sentiments, and likening them to the Taliban and Hamas, who had also criticised the award. But then, they would, wouldn’t they?

All of the little ants are now scurrying around, with some right-wingers galloping madly off in all directions at once.

It’s enormous fun to watch, and with luck, some of them will self-destruct.

October 9, 2009

Barry Gets Nobel Peace Prize

Filed under: Obama — Tags: — lenko @ 10:12 am

US Prez Barry Thingey Obama has been given the Nobel Peace Prize. That grinding wailing sound you hear is war criminal Georgie W, who would have won the Nobel War Prize, but came a close second to Hitler.

In speeches from… oh,  here  to there , Obama has called for disarmament (for other countries) and spoken out for peace in the Middle East whilst simultaneously threatening to nuke Iran.

The chief Palestinian negotitator Saeb Erekat (that’s got to be a anagram, surely?) welcomed the award. But Islamic Jihad leader Khaled-Al-Batshit condemned the award as a political gesture.  There’ll be more cheering and shrieking in a news broadcast near you.

Have you ever wanted your own Nobel Prize? The Daily Moaner is introducing its own range. Just send a letter stating which category you’d like your Nobel Prize in, plus a £5,000 fee to cover postage. We’ll be in touch.

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