The Daily Moaner

Jennifer in her Lab Uniform

BoobQuake 2010 has now come and gone, with no more earthquakes than is normal, and the world of science is indebted to Miss Jennifer McCreight (pronounced Mc-Right, as is appropriate for a female).  Although only 22-ish, Jennifer was astute enough to pick up on the recent announcement by Iranian religious authorities that immodestly displayed female wobbly bits were the root cause of seismic upheavals.  Learn more of the back-story here, and of Jennifer here.

Readers should note that the Daily Moaner’s motivation in picturing Jen here is to promote a proper spirit of scientific enquiry, and is in no way related to the fact that she is amazingly good to look at.  She is believed to be personally responsible for several minor tremors.

Jen is an American, which seems a hard thing to say about anyone, though she is an intelligent  American, which are kind of thin on the ground.  At present she is trapped in Indiana, but we’re sure she’ll fight her way out soon.

In a spirit of scientific endeavour, she organised a fighting force of like-minded women, who agreed to display themselves on Monday — BoobQuake Day 2010  –  in order to measure the cumulative effect.  Although some displays did  cause a few localised upheavals within the male population, the observed effect on the earth’s crust was zero.  So another theory has been laid to rest, though the Daily Moaner believes that further trials should be conducted.

Bunker-Busting Boobs

Remember a day or so ago, when the Daily Moaner exposed the female conspiracy currently causing so many earthquakes on this planet, the only one we’ve got?  You can read it here. 

The scandal was brought to light by Iranian Ayatollah Kazem Sedighi, who had noticed the almost perfect correlation between the exposure of female wobbly bits and titanic upheavals in the earth’s crust.

But one women has taken the story personally.  This is Jennifer McCreight —  a one-woman planet-buster, who looks as if butter wouldn’t melt…  Jennifer has set up a Facebook “Boobquake” page, and already has more than 20,000 other women committed to flashing their boobs and strutting their stuff on Monday next.  Here’s a link to both the story and Jennifer’s  Facebook page.

That’s Monday next.  Or next Monday.  Monday April 26th.  We know you’re not really interested, but that is the appointed day when these females plan to wobble their bits in public, and — as Jennifer says — embrace the supernatural power of their breasts.

The results, we need hardly say, will be catastrophic .  Landslips, volcano’s, seismic upheavals, rivers of molten lava erupting from the toilet, plagues of locusts and light showers of frogs in hilly areas… all these and more will happen to prove  Mr Sedighi right.  Our advice is to start running NOW.

Or better still, wait for these ladies to flash you, and then run.

If you are a woman, you have probably noticed that you have arms and legs, and other bits and pieces too.  Some wobblier than others.  If you are a man, you have definitely noticed that women have all these things.  If you are neither, you are probably a rock or something.

Anyway, it turns out that this Icelandic volcano, Eyjafjalljokull , and the recent series of earthquakes, are all the fault of women and their bits.  Or rather, of the aforesaid bits being on display, and not covered up.  And we have Kazem Sedighi to thank for the information.  As you may have guessed, Kazem is an Ayatollah.

In Tehran.

And he has it on good authority that a public display of female wobbly bits will “cause youths to go astray, taint their chastity and incite extramarital sex in society, which increases earthquakes .”

Iran is subject to earthquakes, more so than… say… Britain, where female bits seem to have little effect.  Though this may be more to do with Iran straddling several fault lines.

Apparently it is exclusively women’s bits which have this effect on the earth’s crust –  male bits seem to be OK, earthquake-wise.  This is obviously why so many women have told your editor that his bits did not cause the earth to move.