The Daily Moaner

The gravy train is still working full steam, as it chuffs its way around Whitehall.  The scandal-du-jour  is the exposé by the Sunday Times and Channel 4, who have got the goods on a motley crew of ex-Ministers.  Patsy Hewitt is apparently willing to sell herself for three grand a day.  Geoff Hoon likewise.  And just for dropping a word or two into the right ears.

Stephen Byers, always a useless prat, has seemingly been caught big-time, remarking to an undercover investigator lady that he was “like a taxi for hire “.  The taxi in question charging anything between three  and five grand per diem.  Nice work if you can get it.

Our Stephen told the nice lady that he’d once had a word with Andrew “Lord” Adonis, and lo!  some problems of National Express suddenly melted away.  He also remarked that the Prince of Darkness himself had obliged him (and Tesco) by getting proposals for food labelling delayed and then amended.  Anyone surprised at this?

They would, wouldn't they?

Now, of course, all parties are running around screaming, and telling anyone who will listen that they never said anything of the sort.

To paraphrase Mandy Rice-Davies in another political scandal “Well, they would, wouldn’t they?”

But she  was selling an honest commodity.  And she never charged anything like  the same amounts.

Wanker then, Wanker now

 More on the MP’s expenses scandal, but this time from British Blogger Old Holborn, who has listed all 645 MP’s and their expenses, admittedly in an abbreviated form, and without punctuation, but to read this post just produces a feeling of utter open-mouthed amazement. 

The Daily Moaner will now be adding almost every  MP to our list of famous wankers, the President of which, Tony Liar,  is pictured here.

And we’ve added Old Holborn to our blogroll, for services to just about everyone.

It’s like finding out your girlfriend has only been unfaithful to you once, but with the Cardiff Male Voice Choir.

You can read the list here.  Then read the first of the comments, from “Harri”.

We think you will agree.

More frantic gyring and gimbling, twisting and turning by our self-styled Prime Minister. This time, in an effort to stem the growing rebellion in the ranks, he proposes increasing MP’s already inflated salaries to compensate them for the loss of their fiddles expenses.

The Jabberwock

 But this is merely encouraging the Jabberwock   of venality, giving MP’s a permanent reward in place of the old, temporary nudge-nudge wink-wink system.  The Daily Moaner applauds Legg, who has strode into the tulgey wood with his vorpal sword. This sounds smutty, but isn’t.

If this becomes standard practice, we will then be into tax dodging territory, with MP’s — every one of them 40% taxpayers — exploiting every possible loophole they can find. Already there are reports from HMRC that MP’s are not to be trusted when it comes to declaring benefits in kind. Oh, surely  that can’t be true, can it?

Does his duck island appear on Sir Peter Viggers’ form P11D, do you think, so that he pays tax on it?  Your editor hasn’t a clue. He does know, however, that quite a few of these slippery, scheming, venal bastards Honourable Members have not paid tax on their accountant’s Tax Return preparation fees. No doubt the Revenue has a whole department devoted to delving into the aforesaid bastards. (UPDATE:  They do, they do!  Hooray!.)

Vorpal swords all round!